Google is like an independent video store taken over by Blockbuster. They have a slightly larger "selection," but independent and foreign films have been moved to the basement, which is flooded and full of rats—as user-friendly as search results beyond #300. Why bother when there are six hundred shiny copies of Gigli up front?

- Walter E. Kurtz

Google is for the Web what colonization was for India. Technological advancement can be a great thing, but at what price?

- Abraham Lincoln, Jr.

Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature.

- Tom Robbins, quote courtesy of Laura

An Objective Professional's Thoughts About Darth-Google.com
(I Hate Google.org / I Love Google.org):
"I love this stuff... I don't think we are seeing enough honest criticism of Google or the other major search engines. Most of the complaining we see is along the lines of 'my site, www.spankmycrank.com just got banned... sob'...."
Read Article 1 (at the source)
Read Article 2 (at the source)


Introduction: Are We Just Mad Because Our Own Sites Don't Rank Well?
Seriously people, get over yourselves—not everyone is your football coach. We have more weighty concerns: Google treats the world of information like a huge "Yellow Pages," out of which sites must be weeded, not according to content, but according to the political skills of the sites' creators. In other words, Google—unlike Yahoo and MSN—treats every site on the web as though it represents a company; and every site whose creator doesn't go on an all-out linking campaign must be eliminated without exception, without question. After all, a company with bad marketing must be just bad in general.

Doesn't Google know that much of the web consists of independent, non-commercial sites whose purpose is to inform or to entertain, often times the only "profit" being the satisfaction of bringing new content to the web? They know; they're just not too concerned, because the average citizen is apathetic and settles for all things mediocre; and passing off this commercialization of information retrieval is easy when people are uninformed enough to think that ranking "bigger," "more important" (commercial) sites higher is all in the name of democracy.

What's worse, Google assumes an "important" site must be important for every word it contains—not just keywords, not just the site's specialty. So an "important" porn site that mentions your keyword one time will rank in the top 20, while the three or four legitimate sites for this keyword in existence for less than three years will rank for sh*t. Just Goooooogle the exact-phrase "darth google"; last time I checked it ranked somewhere around #45, while Yahoo and MSN placed it in the top few.
Written by MacMoses and Stichael Mipe

Introduction For Liberals: Google's Ranking Methods ... More Hitler Than Hitler
We've been trying to avoid the Hitler analogies (except in jest; see the green note at the end of this article). But as it turns out, there's no other historical figure whose philosophy even comes close to symbolizing Google's ranking methods. Except maybe Ragnar Redbeard—but his name makes me tremble if I'm smoking weed so we'll stick with Hitler.

Muthuhfucka WAAAAAHSSAAHHP!!!!!!

Google's ranking methods—in every case we have tested and according to the basic principles Google fanatics boast about, namely PageRank, a.k.a. "Might Is Right"—favor bigger, more powerful, more popular sites—not just for the keywords these sites specialize in, but, believe it or not, for all keywords these sites mention even once. That's the key folks, and it makes for a lot of upset campers. I'll say it once more, for the slow (namely, you):

Google's ranking methods favor bigger, more powerful, more popular sites—not just for the keywords these sites specialize in, but, believe it or not, for ALL keywords these sites mention even once. In other words, an important person who has never been to your tiny home town but who mentions it once on his site is an authority on your town; meanwhile, you, who have an entire site devoted to your town, YOU, WHO LIVE THERE, don't mean squat to Google.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is why spam sites casually and apathetically mentioning your keyword one time will kick the living shit out of your honest, independent, non-commercial site. This, you screwheads, is why Darth Google will never be the #1 result for exact-phrase search "darth google"—it will always be "important" people talking about us. This, ladies and gentlemen, is why you are a complete dildo if you consider yourself a liberal and you use Google.

OH, AND ... THIS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, is most likely why Goooooooooooooogle remains the #1 search engine. When all that comes up are trendy, popular sites, your average moron can't bring himself to believe there could be better results out there—your average moron wants to feel one with society, and aligning himself with All Things Mediocre is the quickest, easiest means to this end.

By the way ... slight difference between Hitler and Google: if Hitler came across someone who wasn't very popular but who had obvious potential, Hitler would recognize this person's potential. Google will not ... ever.
Written by Stichael Mipe: Team Darth Google Resident "Ashamed To Be Liberal" Liberal and Resident Colorado Neo-Nazi Expert (He rooms with one); article tweaked and unnecessary-F-Word-edited by MacMoses

Old Introduction: Unlike Yahoo, MSN, and Your Friendly Librarian
Many people—even many Google fanatics—believe that Google has made success on the web almost entirely political; your rankings are based on how well you're able to sell the combination of yourself and your site, sometimes just yourself. What do politicians and salesmen have in common? They all dress alike ... and neither group is rewarded for telling the truth or for being "too" interesting. In our experience, Google politics is pretty much the same deal: "Make your pictures smaller"; "Spend more time on presentation, less on content—bells and whistles make people happy"; "Cut the sarcasm—no one in the world thinks sarcasm is funny."

We would expect certain kinds of sites to be intensely boring and lack any discernible character—particularly sites that represent companies you would think would have marketing down to a science. But not all sites represent companies—and in fact, many sites don't "represent" anything at all. When you're looking at pictures of Jill Hennessy, do you really care if the people who put them on the web are obnoxious smart-asses?

Much of today's Google-griping is self-centered whining; some, however, is legitimate-criticism griping. Since logic is often dull—especially to those who don't recognize it—we present both kinds.

(PG-13) The 1st Darth Google Movie "Death of a Non-Salesman" MP4 Format (1.4 MB)

People, we know—Google owes us nothing. We're not exactly mad at Google, and we're not just saying that because we're scared of huge corporations. We intend to give praise for Google The Search Engine when we feel praise is due. What irritates us is Google The Institution—those who shove the search engine down our throats and, when presenting their lists of token Google flaws, don't even mention how independent sites can get a royal screwing ... and don't even mention that Google does not present information to us like we all expected a reputable search engine to present it way back when we made the switch from high school libraries to the web: according to relevance and what we're actually looking for, not according to politics and what certain high-profile companies want to sell us.

Darth Google: The Basics of the Basics (Revised June 17, 2005)
At Google, 99% of what determines an independent site's success or failure is whether "more important, related" sites link to it. Even if your site is only a "Coming Soon" page, one link total can shoot you up to #19. Months later when your site is finished, if you lose this one link you're gone completely—not even indexed.

When a search for your topic produces hundreds of keyword-trap nonsense-pages and only a small handful of real sites, you may easily find yourself at the mercy of a few high-schoolers with personality disorders. There are countless reasons why people might not link to your site, and a scary number of these has absolutely nothing to do with your site: many reasons are personality-related. (This is something we know about firsthand, because we're annoying as all hell. With the exception of this site, though, our sites have nothing to do with our personalities.) Not to mention, "voting" is public—all the more reason to keep your votes safe and boring. Wouldn't want people to know you actually "voted" for Joe Blow's site—that weirdo listened to punk rock WAY before it was trendy.

Why do keyword traps rank so high? We're putting our money on this theory: Google assumes "important sites" must be authorities on every word found therein. So, an "important" DVD site that mentions Jill Hennessy once—and gives you a pathetically incomplete listing of her movies and maybe one tiny picture—will rank #5 while an entire hosting account or sub-domain devoted to this very squeezable and brainy Law & Order babe will rank for SHITE if it has only a few inbound links.

"Google's concept of link popularity is so innovative, so revolutionary...." Come on. I could have come up with the idea of link popularity if I'd smoked a huge reefer and happened to walk by a playground where the dumbest of the popular kids were beating the crap out of classmates wearing glasses. Giving the power of "life and death" to a limited, non-representative portion of the population is nothing new. What's revolutionary is successfully passing this off as a democracy—usually the American Left has a field day with that sort of thing. (Politically, overall, we at Darth Google are pretty neutral, but in this one case we really miss hearing all that liberal whining.)
Read the Entire Article

The Bottom Line Plus Real World Examples
We realize that using our own sites could be perceived as "conflict of interest." People, f***ing get over yourselves. Even the Google-haters we know won't let us profile their sites (Google is so big and scary...), and ours have little or no competition from human-created sites and pages. Amen.

If a site is the ONLY site for a particular keyword or keyphrase important enough to produce 10,000+ search results, most of which being keywords traps leading to poster and DVD sites, then it seems only natural that this one real site would rank in the top 100—or at least get PART of its main page indexed. In our experience, this does not happen at Google without at least one important, relevant inbound link—often difficult to find if the site in question is the only site dedicated to its topic.

An example typical of our circle of friends (typical for many people we've run across in forums and Yahoo groups): "Kerry Condon Online." This site is:

(1) The only site dedicated to its topic, a search for which produces 31,000 results.
(2) Unofficial and obviously designed by amateurs with various forms of mental disabilities. BUT HEY—created with spirit. Four hours alone one day getting our design application not to crash.
(3) Hundreds of pictures bigger than your computer monitor (not that big is everything...).
(4) Part of a hosting account paid for monthly—bad in Google's eyes. (Regardless of what Google or anyone else thinks of it, this account will be in existence for the next several decades. Once we're interested in something, we stick with it.)

As far as we know, all relevant sites—sites for Kerry Condon's movies, etc.—are corporate sites that won't link to Jack.

The instant Yahoo found this site—two to three weeks after the site was initially created—it ranked in the top 20; a month later, in the top 15; a month after that, in the top ten. Just now—#2. At Google, none of us has ever been able to find it in the top 300. Googlerankings.com swore it was #150 at one point, but when we tried to verify this manually we couldn't find it anywhere.

If you also have a site that's the only existing site for its topic, compare your rankings to ours.


Is This Site anti-Google?
No—Google is a tool just like a pencil, a gun, or a banana peel. Sometimes this tool can be useful. This site is anti-GOOGLE SHOVED DOWN OUR THROATS, pure and simple. On a bad day we find members of this shoving camp irritating and downright dangerous. By forcing their conformist, "Forget Content" ideals on the weak-minded and uninformed, they're helping evolution revert to processes it favored back when we were tiny, one-celled, non-thinking organisms: "Eliminate anything remotely different." There might be a time when it's okay that results reflect what a very limited portion of our retarded population admits it thinks—like when we're searching for a site that represents a company selling DVDs. But the public should be aware of the methodologies the major search engines use before making decisions like this. At this point the public is not aware. Face it—the public isn't very bright.

NOTE: Not everyone here at Darth Google believes in evolution, and one of us here is even a Born-Again Christian. Hatred for Google Culture is something wonderful to be shared by people of all beliefs and backgrounds. (For the record, studies show that people are just as afraid to link to Born-Again Christians as they are to communists, dope-smugglers, pedophiles, mass murderers, and smelly intergalactic aliens.)
Read the Entire Article


Note: New Section "Praise For Google"
No, it's not sarcastic. We said we'd be honest when we noticed Google doing good things with our sites that we thought might be good news for everyone with independent sites. We've beaten it into the ground that the point of this site is not to be anti-Google The Search Engine, just anti-Google The Institution. On to Praise For Google


Contact Us ... No One Has To Know
Just can't stand people who know you're full of crap, despite the fact that publicly they go to great lengths to hide this because they don't want to embarrass you? Don't screw with them. SEND YOUR HATE TO US, INSTEAD. But remember to put ORDER 66 in the subject field; otherwise your message will get anti-spammed away into oblivion. (That's not a joke, people.) Our address is: darthmail at tier8 dot net OR you can always post your comments on our blog: http://darth-google.blogspot.com